Listen to Your Grumpy Self
“I was grumpy when I got up and then I took it out on my kids,” Lori said. “I was just lazy and didn’t want to get up.” Lori had a good reason for wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She had worked late the night before. She needed the rest. But something […]
Your Inner Judge Is a Liar
“Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.” Brené Brown Self-criticism is learned—we don’t come out of the womb with that tendency. I’m talking about the self-esteem-destroying self-talk that buzzes around in one’s head endlessly. Like a virus that invades the brain, it constantly judges and condemns its host. Infection takes […]
It’s a Ducking Habit
Tish shines when she’s with her friends and coworkers, but around her boss she loses that shine. “I go small the minute I step into her office!” she said. “I’m just like someone who’s been physically abused—I duck!” Tish’s boss and her parents have some things in common. Her parents didn’t invite or make it […]
Stay Out of the Mud!
Setting boundaries includes placing limits on what we’re willing to do for others. Sometimes, we make the same mistake a bazillion times before finally waking up. It’s exasperating! One of my clients knows this experience all too well. His mistake was believing he had to rescue other people—mainly women. If they weren’t happy, he felt guilty and responsible. It […]
The Wiser, True You
“The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not your mind—the thinker. The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated.” — Eckart Tolle, The Power of Now I was walking—no, sleepwalking—in the mall one day when I became aware that I was doing a whole lot of judging. […]
The Golden Rule in Reverse
“Don’t let other people treat you the way you wouldn’t treat them.” This is what I recently said to Stanley, who never objects to disrespectful treatment from key people in his life. He swallows it … and suffers for it. Kind-hearted by nature, he’s respectful in all his dealings with others. He wouldn’t, COULDN’T, hurt […]
“Waste” Some Time
Carlie is an over-achieving teenager. She’s driven to excel academically, athletically and socially. She has trouble with that word “relax.” But in a moment of clarity, she wowed me with this: “I would like to know my future to see if I’m wasting my time, because if I am wasting my time, I want to waste it better.” […]
Cultivate Self-Compassion
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” […]
Don’t Grin and Bear It!
Out for a walk one day, I was struck by how natural it is for animals to protect themselves from harm. Their survival instinct doesn’t seem cluttered with emotional logjams such as second-guessing, guilt, or denial. At the first sign of danger, without the slightest hesitation, a bird will take flight. Likewise, rabbits hop away to safety. […]
Latest Wow: Anger’s a Mask We Wear
“I don’t mind being the bitch … it gives me boundaries. It protects me from how vulnerable, wrong, and empty I feel inside.” This was the first session Kate’s focus went inward. Before that, her focus had been on her outer enemies. Kate’s wow—one of many—had me jumping out of my seat that day! It was exciting to be part […]