Latest Wow: Goodbye to Insane Guilt
I remember when Vanessa wowed me with this one: “I’ve spent 30 years hating myself, and I’m tired of it. I need to learn how to love myself.” Self-loathing wasn’t something Vanessa was born with. It was learned. When we were babies, we had no innate sense of disgust with ourselves. If our rattle fell […]
The Unhappy Chameleon
Doug wowed me with this in one of our sessions: “I always wanted to blend in . . . like a chameleon.” Then looking away reflectively, he added, “You know, it takes a hell of a lot of energy to change my colors.” He’s right. So why do we do it? It’s all about making sure we’re […]
Stay Out of the Mud!
Setting boundaries includes placing limits on what we’re willing to do for others. Sometimes, we make the same mistake a bazillion times before finally waking up. It’s exasperating! One of my clients knows this experience all too well. His mistake was believing he had to rescue other people—mainly women. If they weren’t happy, he felt guilty and responsible. It […]
Latest Wow: What Love Does
Love doesn’t involve pain or control … it sets you free. ~Don Armstrong Not long ago, a former client—who’s in her forties—was telling me of an incident involving her father. He was giving one of his typical straightening-out-her-thinking talks and at some point he began shaming her . . . “just as he did when […]
Latest Wow: Anger’s a Mask We Wear
“I don’t mind being the bitch … it gives me boundaries. It protects me from how vulnerable, wrong, and empty I feel inside.” This was the first session Kate’s focus went inward. Before that, her focus had been on her outer enemies. Kate’s wow—one of many—had me jumping out of my seat that day! It was exciting to be part […]
The Latest Wow: The Great Divide
Not long ago, I was counseling a couple when one partner, Tracie, wowed me with this: “There will be days in which I will get mad at you and you will get mad at me but we will resolve it. I don’t want to live a life of avoidance.” Tracie is on to something. […]
The Latest Wow: How to Save a Sinking Ship
“I just learned that the human brain isn’t fully formed until the age of 24. I got married at 20 so, therefore, I wasn’t in my right mind.” This little gem—which activated my uncontrollable-laughter-impulse—fell straight from the lips of Anna, a client experiencing a bit of disillusionment in her marriage. Not at all unfamiliar territory […]
The Latest Wow: Where Life is
Not long ago, Todd, a client, wowed me with this: “I want to be the type of person who loves others above myself. I know that’s where life is.” Todd lives in a self-contained sphere that doesn’t include other people. He’s not a hermit—living an isolated existence. Far from it. He’s a husband, father, […]
The Latest Wow: Don’t Feed the Parasites!
Not long ago, one of my clients, Rani, wowed me with this: “Some people don’t really deserve the benefit of the doubt.” Experience taught Rani that somber truth. For months, she overlooked and excused multiple incidents of being used, deceived and manipulated by her friend, Val. “It finally reached such ludicrous proportions, I just couldn’t […]
Latest Wow: Ripe for Manipulation
“I don’t like to confront, so I’m easy to manipulate.” That “WOW” came from a mid-fortyish male client. He didn’t realize it, but he nailed a common human problem. Many of us don’t like to confront. Why are we so squeamish about confronting someone … even when it’s appropriate? There’s a wide variety of reasons. […]