It’s a Ducking Habit
Tish shines when she’s with her friends and coworkers, but around her boss she loses that shine. “I go small the minute I step into her office!” she said. “I’m just like someone who’s been physically abused—I duck!” Tish’s boss and her parents have some things in common. Her parents didn’t invite or make it […]
Cool, Calm, Gutsy Courage
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” Emerson Imagine being in your car at an intersection, waiting for the light to change. It seems forever . . . and your mind drifts. In other words, you’ve stopped paying attention, but the driver behind you […]
Love’s Magic
The heart is a weapon of mass construction. A light bulb finally turned on in my head one day. It was the wiser part of me saying: Okay, Salee, if you’re brilliant enough to know something isn’t right, then you should be brilliant enough to do something about it. In other words: Speak up! I’ve learned […]
Latest Wow: What Love Does
Love doesn’t involve pain or control … it sets you free. ~Don Armstrong Not long ago, a former client—who’s in her forties—was telling me of an incident involving her father. He was giving one of his typical straightening-out-her-thinking talks and at some point he began shaming her . . . “just as he did when […]
Husband and Doormat
The problem with walking on eggshells is that it imprisons you, and nothing gets better. That was my response to Naomi in our counseling session. She habitually succumbs to her hot-tempered husband. “I’m careful about everything I say because, well, he gets ugly if I tell him what he doesn’t want to hear,” she said. […]
Real Strength
I like what Sydney Harris, the late American journalist, had to say: “People who are proud of being brutally frank rarely admit they are more gratified by the brutality than by the frankness.” Personally, I don’t think there’s anything admirable about stomping on someone’s dignity. It’s easy to be offensive and degrading. It’s much more […]
The Latest Wow: The Great Divide
Not long ago, I was counseling a couple when one partner, Tracie, wowed me with this: “There will be days in which I will get mad at you and you will get mad at me but we will resolve it. I don’t want to live a life of avoidance.” Tracie is on to something. […]
Be Brave and Speak Up
Ever find yourself in the midst of a group of people engaged in a bashfest? Some unfortunate individual is being maligned or trashed behind their back. What to do? Join in to feel a part of things? Or stand there, silently uncomfortable? Either choice makes our soul uneasy. It feels like we’re participating in a […]
Two to Tango
Passivity invites the other person to take a power position. Maya and Jarel have been dancing the same dance step—or style of relating—for years. He dominates and she obediently yields. She’s tired of it. Not long ago, she was ready to walk out the door, but right at that point he made a dramatic change . […]
The Latest Wow: How to Save a Sinking Ship
“I just learned that the human brain isn’t fully formed until the age of 24. I got married at 20 so, therefore, I wasn’t in my right mind.” This little gem—which activated my uncontrollable-laughter-impulse—fell straight from the lips of Anna, a client experiencing a bit of disillusionment in her marriage. Not at all unfamiliar territory […]