Finding the Right Someone

valentines day

A relationship that’s right for us is one that sets our spirit free.

Hey … Valentine’s Day is right around the bend, so it’s a good time to take a look at love—up close—and contemplate its meaning … just what the heck is it?

Finding a solid definition of love is fuzzy. There are probably as many ideas and definitions of it as there are people … lots.

I have a couple of favorite quotes and I notice they have freedom as a common theme. Here they are:

“There is something akin to freedom in having a lover who has no control over you, except that which he gains by kindness and attachment.”

Harriet Jacobs wrote that in her book, Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl.

Here’s one by Wayne Dyer:

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

I included that little gem in a column I wrote, Finding the Right Someone.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, says in his book, Teachings on Love, that love is a compilation of four components: loving kindness, joy, compassion and freedom. If either one of these is absent, he notes, love cannot flourish. I devoted an entire column to that idea. You can find it here.

And … what are your views on love? I’d LOVE to know. 😉


Filed under Contemplations, Couples, General Interest, Get Free

10 responses to “Finding the Right Someone

  1. Alissa Wilbanks

    I have been in some really crappy, unloving relationships, and I found the love of my life when I least expected it. I was just out of a relationship and kinda gave up on love. A friend of mine kinda became my buddy and it slowly developed into love. I had never taken things slow and never had anyone not put up with my crap in the way he does. He was unexpected and not what I normally go after but I am so happy I did. We are now married and have 2 beautiful boys. My husband’s love is subtle and usually unsaid and I used to struggle with that but I appreciate it now. Our relationship is still young but I have learned a lot over the past 5 years. You can’t change each other but you can still learn from each other. Always have respect for one another and hear each other. Love them for who they are and stop getting angry. It’s not worth it. The things you might get mad at probably won’t matter later. Love is hard work and love changes.

    • Describing your relationship as “young” is almost amusing to me. Why? Because you’ve learned lessons that occur among well-seasoned couples—those who have been at it for seemingly a gazillion years! Thanks for sharing.

  2. I love the advice to treat everyday like it’s your first date!

  3. What I have learned about love is that Love is hard and it takes lots and lots of work and it is all worth it. I have also learned that it is easy and simple and that it is all that matters.
    I married a man when I was young and we had a long dysfunctional relationship. I learned and he learned, the hard way, the way that hurt everyone in our path, especially our children. I felt trapped. I don’t know that woman very well anymore but I know how much she needed to learn and love.
    After I that, I married a man who is my best friend. I feel free. I can breathe and he can too. We know what we have, every minute, every day.
    The miracle is that it’s the same man. It was awful and ugly and wonderful and beautiful to arrive at today. I could not recommend it but I would do it again, all of it, to get to this love , for my husband, my children, my life.

  4. Jennifer

    I just LOVE love, don’t you? When you truly find what it means to you, that’s freedom. I don’t mean just romantic love, which is pretty awesome, but love between you and your best friend or the sibling you fought with everyday growing up or the love you feel for your ex-husband who is a vital part of your life and would be whether you had a child together or not. I’m sure it has something to do with maturity. It probably has something to do with life experience but it definitely has something to do with loving yourself first! 🙂

  5. Okay. You did it, Jennifer. While reading your comment, a warmth swelled up and my eyes moistened over. What else can I say? It says it. As for love I love . . . you.

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