Listen to Your Grumpy Self
“I was grumpy when I got up and then I took it out on my kids,” Lori said. “I was just lazy and didn’t want to get up.” Lori had a good reason for wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She had worked late the night before. She needed the rest. But something […]
Your Inner Judge Is a Liar
“Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.” Brené Brown Self-criticism is learned—we don’t come out of the womb with that tendency. I’m talking about the self-esteem-destroying self-talk that buzzes around in one’s head endlessly. Like a virus that invades the brain, it constantly judges and condemns its host. Infection takes […]
It’s a Ducking Habit
Tish shines when she’s with her friends and coworkers, but around her boss she loses that shine. “I go small the minute I step into her office!” she said. “I’m just like someone who’s been physically abused—I duck!” Tish’s boss and her parents have some things in common. Her parents didn’t invite or make it […]
The Golden Rule in Reverse
“Don’t let other people treat you the way you wouldn’t treat them.” This is what I recently said to Stanley, who never objects to disrespectful treatment from key people in his life. He swallows it … and suffers for it. Kind-hearted by nature, he’s respectful in all his dealings with others. He wouldn’t, COULDN’T, hurt […]
Don’t Grin and Bear It!
Out for a walk one day, I was struck by how natural it is for animals to protect themselves from harm. Their survival instinct doesn’t seem cluttered with emotional logjams such as second-guessing, guilt, or denial. At the first sign of danger, without the slightest hesitation, a bird will take flight. Likewise, rabbits hop away to safety. […]
Call it Parent Power!
Laura’s petrified that her teenage daughter may be headed down a dangerous path. While she and Kaitlyn sat across from each other in my office, Laura rattled off her string of concerns. Among her worries were slipping grades, Kaitlin’s recent choice of friends—some have been in trouble with the law—and a controlling boyfriend who habitually puts […]
Husband and Doormat
The problem with walking on eggshells is that it imprisons you, and nothing gets better. That was my response to Naomi in our counseling session. She habitually succumbs to her hot-tempered husband. “I’m careful about everything I say because, well, he gets ugly if I tell him what he doesn’t want to hear,” she said. […]
Meet Your True Self
When you’re harassed by guilt and self-judgment, you’re vacating your true self . . . and you’re vacating truth. Period. In my last post, Escape your Jungle, I defined the true self and how it can easily become overshadowed by a bogus self-concept—based on erroneous beliefs about ourselves. Donna was my example. Her negative conclusions about herself […]
Escape Your Jungle
Self-compassion . . . how do we get there? In my most recent post, I suggested that the key to this nirvana is disbelieving our conditioned self-concept, which is comprised of innumerable verbal and nonverbal messages we’ve absorbed over our lifetime. Years ago, I worked with Donna, a woman with depression. She saw herself as inferior, […]
Let’s Lighten Up . . . on Ourselves
Perfection is elusive. Maybe there’s a reason for that. Perhaps . . . life is merely about building muscles. If that’s the case, we need to ease up on ourselves. Could it be that this classroom we call life is one gigantic planetary fitness center? I tend to think so. 🙂 We shouldn’t use past […]