Life’s the Teacher
“Truth cannot be borrowed. It can only be experienced.” Thich Nhat Hanh One of the hardest things to endure is watching a loved one suffer and being unable to teach them the life lessons we’ve learned. We’ve all been there, and we all end up pulling our hair out in utter frustration when our best […]
Finding the Right Someone
A relationship that’s right for us is one that sets our spirit free. Hey … Valentine’s Day is right around the bend, so it’s a good time to take a look at love—up close—and contemplate its meaning … just what the heck is it? Finding a solid definition of love is fuzzy. There are probably […]
Latest Wow: Ripe for Manipulation
“I don’t like to confront, so I’m easy to manipulate.” That “WOW” came from a mid-fortyish male client. He didn’t realize it, but he nailed a common human problem. Many of us don’t like to confront. Why are we so squeamish about confronting someone … even when it’s appropriate? There’s a wide variety of reasons. […]
Our Favorite Illusion
Some dreamy-eyed part of us clings to the illusion that through a sheer act of will we can change another human being. Such misguided thinking is as unrealistic as believing we can get a walnut tree to start producing apples. For six years Sonya has asked her husband—who works in the remodeling industry—to fix the […]
Trained By a Dog
Let’s face it, if we’re vague about what we want, we won’t get it. Like Karen, a former client, we’ll only cultivate inner frustration. “Never—ever!—did I anticipate the day I’d be jealous of a dog,” she said, “but I am . . . If the dog wants to play, Sam drops everything and plays with […]
The Secret to a Good Life
A comedian uttered this piece of profound wisdom: “Everyone says communication is the secret to a good relationship. It’s not true. The secret to a good relationship is low expectations.“ I take this a step further: the secret to a good life is low expectations. Let’s face it, expectations run rampant in our brains—many times […]
You Always Hurt the One You Love
Walls go up around the heart when we’re treated harshly. Eventually, bitterness replaces the tender love that was once there. Claire was starting to feel that way toward her husband, Joe, when she sought my help. “He’s constantly critical and demeaning to me!” she said. “It has to change! I’m too miserable to have it […]
Keeping the Peace Backfires
“It has to change! I can’t take it anymore.” Liza was referring to her marriage. “If I don’t conform to how Stuart wants me to be, or if I don’t agree with how he sees things, he get’s furious,” she said. “And if he doesn’t get his way, he get’s stormy.” Liza was describing life […]
Fear the Small Stuff
We’re all aware of the big and obvious things that rock our existence. But it’s the small—oftentimes invisible—things that can prove to be most destructive. Here’s an example. While at Cape Cod, Don and I took a nature walk, enjoying the beauty of the wetlands. But something unseen was putting a damper on things. Call […]
The Latest Wow: Man Objects to Being Eye Candy
Here’s one man’s response to my post “The Latest Wow: He Says ‘No’ to Sex” “I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t like being a magnet for women. My physical appearance isn’t who I am … it’s not how I know myself. Before a relationship even gets off the ground I want to […]