I Want a Silverback Father!
I’m certain we could learn a lot from silverback gorillas. Not about grooming habits, but about the way they care for their young. The movie Instinct stars Anthony Hopkins as an anthropologist who lives among a community of gorillas for two years. He starts out as a detached observer, but it isn’t long before they […]
Moms are Perfectly Imperfect!
Moms are easy targets for nearly all the psychological ailments that afflict their children … and our world for that matter. Consider for a moment, the troublesome members of our species who populate our planet. When it comes to assigning blame, doesn’t the finger get pointed at maternal rearing? So under the weight of such […]
Advice from the Animal Kingdom
Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, pinpoints how perfectionism impacts us negatively: “Not being perfect, we reject ourselves,” he writes. It’s true. Many people condemn themselves for failing to live up to the often inflated, sometimes impossible expectations they set for themselves. This can include failing to get a perfect performance review, a […]
Love Me Tender
Some people believe they’re detestable. In fact, the thought of being worthy of love and accepted–even cherished!–for who they are at the root level seems unfathomable to them. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be content with ourselves. So where do low self-opinions come from? Children internalize or see themselves as […]
Planting the Seeds
In passing, I overheard a heart-sinking exchange between a father and son. “Hey, Dad, what’s Grandpa’s phone number?” His father frowned. “What’s the matter with you? You know the number—you call it all the time! Are you a retard?” If it pained me to bear witness to such harshness, I can only imagine its impact […]
Shared Tears Heal
One day, Heather’s parents discovered a suicide note among her things. Terrified and stunned, they sought help. It wasn’t long before their teenage daughter was admitted to a hospital. Looking back on that day, Heather recalls how hard she fought and argued with her […]
Thank You, Daddy
Whether you’re a grown-up or a young child, your father probably occupies a special place in your heart. ♥ Over the years, my clients have shared many thoughts about their fathers with me. One client made me smile with this one: “I remember Sunday mornings listening to records and Dad dancing the polka in stocking feet on the […]
Parenting Gumby-Style
Confining adolescents to the basement can be a deliciously tempting idea at times. Melissa feels she’s losing control of Carly, her 12-year-old daughter. Of greater concern: She fears she might be losing her altogether. “We used to be so tight,” Melissa said in our counseling session. “My worst nightmare has been that Carly would someday […]
Raw Truth from Teens
Let’s dispel a common myth about teenagers. They actually yearn to communicate with their parents, despite evidence to the contrary. But communication must be a two-way street, and for a vast number of teenagers, that isn’t happening. It’s not so much a refusal to open up—instead, their silence is often rooted in discouragement because of […]
Latest Wow: Goodbye to Insane Guilt
I remember when Vanessa wowed me with this one: “I’ve spent 30 years hating myself, and I’m tired of it. I need to learn how to love myself.” Self-loathing wasn’t something Vanessa was born with. It was learned. When we were babies, we had no innate sense of disgust with ourselves. If our rattle fell […]