Dominated by Guilt
Guilt, just like anger, is often used as a tool to manipulate. Last week I offered one reason why we refrain from speaking up or confronting another person. It’s the fear of igniting a thunderstorm. Another reason is guilt. One of my teenage clients, Allie, put it perfectly: “I don’t know how to stand up […]
Latest Wow: Ripe for Manipulation
“I don’t like to confront, so I’m easy to manipulate.” That “WOW” came from a mid-fortyish male client. He didn’t realize it, but he nailed a common human problem. Many of us don’t like to confront. Why are we so squeamish about confronting someone … even when it’s appropriate? There’s a wide variety of reasons. […]
Not to Upset the Family Bully, but . . .
I just have to share something with you. As a writer, I follow several blogs, one by author Kristen Lamb. She captured my attention in a recent post about bullying. Actually, she’s been cranking out post after post on that subject. In one she mentions “family bullying.” Here’s the quote that grabbed me: For every […]
The Latest Wow: Rebellion’s Treasure
Not long ago, a client—in her 40s—wowed me with this: “Rebellion, at any age, is a means of repositioning ourselves with our parents.” I can only agree. I’ve come to see that the good side of rebellion is that it allows us to break into new horizons of empowerment—to transcend existing limits. Another client, Sonya, further […]
You Always Hurt the One You Love
Walls go up around the heart when we’re treated harshly. Eventually, bitterness replaces the tender love that was once there. Claire was starting to feel that way toward her husband, Joe, when she sought my help. “He’s constantly critical and demeaning to me!” she said. “It has to change! I’m too miserable to have it […]
Thoughts of Suicide
In my previous post, Banished from Her Mother’s Heart, I talked about Michelle, who was dealing with her mom’s rejection. In this post, I want to introduce you to Scott. Like Michelle, he marched to the beat of his own drum, and likewise suffered rejection, primarily from his dad. Scott’s gay, and his father couldn’t […]
Banished from her Mother’s Heart
“Your mother is good for you,” I said. “Her disapproval is forcing you to become immune to disapproving attitudes. Unbeknownst to her, she’s stretching you to become self-accepting and to believe in yourself.” Michele followed the beat of her own drum, and her family shunned her for it—especially her mother. Parental disapproval, at any age, can […]
Keeping the Peace Backfires
“It has to change! I can’t take it anymore.” Liza was referring to her marriage. “If I don’t conform to how Stuart wants me to be, or if I don’t agree with how he sees things, he get’s furious,” she said. “And if he doesn’t get his way, he get’s stormy.” Liza was describing life […]
Screwed Up But Healthy
I just had to laugh when Beth—referring to her progress—said this in a recent session: “I’m still screwed up, but in a healthy way.” To say the least, I was puzzled by that comment, so I asked, “What do you mean?” “I’m the product of a dysfunctional household,” she said. “But I’m in a much healthier […]
The Latest Wow: He Says ‘No’ to Sex
One of my male clients wowed me with this: “It’s hard to be amorous with someone who’s beating the hell out of you mentally!” So things turn a man off, too. Hmmmm. So much for their reputation as animals.