Shared Tears Heal
One day, Heather’s parents discovered a suicide note among her things. Terrified and stunned, they sought help. It wasn’t long before their teenage daughter was admitted to a hospital. Looking back on that day, Heather recalls how hard she fought and argued with her […]
Silence Your Inner Bully
Negative self-talk arises from a ruthless internal bully. “Everything I touch fails. I suck at everything!” Those words were uttered by 35-year-old Brady who can’t seem to shake a pattern of failed jobs and relationships. Is it a matter of bad luck? Definitely not. It has to do with how he was programmed. “In my […]
Acknowledge Your Magnificence
What if a ray of sunlight–feeling guilty for its brightness–purposely dimmed itself? Who loses out? We all do! Light-dimming is fairly common. Concealing our flaws is understandable, but it’s a bit tragic when we conceal our finer qualities. And if that wasn’t bad enough, we may hide those better attributes even from ourselves, banishing them […]
Moving Through Grief
It has been two years since her husband, Trent, died. But to Amy it feels like yesterday. “Why am I grieving?” she lamented. “I thought I was over it.” I answered her simply: “We’re never over love, Amy.” After his fatal car accident, she told herself she must be strong for the children. So she […]
Courage to Feel Deeply
In some households, tears are taboo. Jill is one of six children. An adult now, she recalls her father being a harsh disciplinarian “who frequently beat us.” When the beatings produced wails and tears, he shamed and belittled them, demanding that they stop. Having to endure horrid, abusive treatment was bad enough, but then they […]
She Wasn’t Being Silly
Paralyzed with fear, Kathleen stopped suddenly in her tracks. The trail she was hiking with her husband, Zach, had come to an unexpected fork. They were assured, back at the visitors center, that all trails would be clearly marked. For the most part, that proved to be true, but definitely not now. Zach motioned to the […]
Latest Wow: Goodbye to Insane Guilt
I remember when Vanessa wowed me with this one: “I’ve spent 30 years hating myself, and I’m tired of it. I need to learn how to love myself.” Self-loathing wasn’t something Vanessa was born with. It was learned. When we were babies, we had no innate sense of disgust with ourselves. If our rattle fell […]
Your Inner Judge Is a Liar
“Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.” Brené Brown Self-criticism is learned—we don’t come out of the womb with that tendency. I’m talking about the self-esteem-destroying self-talk that buzzes around in one’s head endlessly. Like a virus that invades the brain, it constantly judges and condemns its host. Infection takes […]
It’s a Ducking Habit
Tish shines when she’s with her friends and coworkers, but around her boss she loses that shine. “I go small the minute I step into her office!” she said. “I’m just like someone who’s been physically abused—I duck!” Tish’s boss and her parents have some things in common. Her parents didn’t invite or make it […]
Cultivate Self-Compassion
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” […]