Don’t Forget to Love You
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Buddha “I was grumpy when I got up and then I took it out on my kids,” Lori said. “I was just lazy and didn’t want to get up.” Lori had a good reason for wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She’s […]
Go Find Another Well
Time and time again, Christi tried to quench her thirst from a dry well. The analogy describes what it’s been like living with her boyfriend, Tony, for the past six years. The anguish she’s felt is comparable to someone slowly dying from thirst. Although he called her his girlfriend, his participation in the relationship was […]
Advice from the Animal Kingdom
Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, pinpoints how perfectionism impacts us negatively: “Not being perfect, we reject ourselves,” he writes. It’s true. Many people condemn themselves for failing to live up to the often inflated, sometimes impossible expectations they set for themselves. This can include failing to get a perfect performance review, a […]
Make Your Soul Happy
“Depression is a distant early warning system that something in you is being pressed down, beat on, kept in prison, dishonored.” ~Sam Keen Sandra is depressed and it’s because she’s been dishonoring herself for a long time. Although she despises her job, she forces herself to tolerate it. Not only is it unrewarding, the pressure […]
Let’s Do Gifts!
“The best things in life aren’t things.” This little piece of wisdom came straight from a bumper sticker. A few years ago, as the holiday season was approaching, my thoughts turned to gifts. I decided to ask several people: “How would you define a gift?” Here’s a sampling of the responses I collected: “To me, […]
Thank You, Daddy
Whether you’re a grown-up or a young child, your father probably occupies a special place in your heart. ♥ Over the years, my clients have shared many thoughts about their fathers with me. One client made me smile with this one: “I remember Sunday mornings listening to records and Dad dancing the polka in stocking feet on the […]
Courage to Feel Deeply
In some households, tears are taboo. Jill is one of six children. An adult now, she recalls her father being a harsh disciplinarian “who frequently beat us.” When the beatings produced wails and tears, he shamed and belittled them, demanding that they stop. Having to endure horrid, abusive treatment was bad enough, but then they […]
The Seduction of Security
Oh, the soul-numbing effect of living within the confines of the familiar! This was the theme that 41-year-old Angie and I discussed in our counseling session. She came to me wanting help with her depression. “I just can’t seem to shake this no matter what I tell myself,” she said with a sigh. Angie described her […]
Latest Wow: Goodbye to Insane Guilt
I remember when Vanessa wowed me with this one: “I’ve spent 30 years hating myself, and I’m tired of it. I need to learn how to love myself.” Self-loathing wasn’t something Vanessa was born with. It was learned. When we were babies, we had no innate sense of disgust with ourselves. If our rattle fell […]
The Unhappy Chameleon
Doug wowed me with this in one of our sessions: “I always wanted to blend in . . . like a chameleon.” Then looking away reflectively, he added, “You know, it takes a hell of a lot of energy to change my colors.” He’s right. So why do we do it? It’s all about making sure we’re […]