Don’t Be Nice All the Time
Over and over again, while growing up, Kari heard: “It’s better to give and be nice than it is to receive.” Valuing the other person more than yourself was expected. So, today, she tends to be nice to everyone but herself. No surprise. When people mistreat or take advantage of her, she gives them a […]
Love Me Tender
Some people believe they’re detestable. In fact, the thought of being worthy of love and accepted–even cherished!–for who they are at the root level seems unfathomable to them. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be content with ourselves. So where do low self-opinions come from? Children internalize or see themselves as […]
Silence Your Inner Bully
Negative self-talk arises from a ruthless internal bully. “Everything I touch fails. I suck at everything!” Those words were uttered by 35-year-old Brady who can’t seem to shake a pattern of failed jobs and relationships. Is it a matter of bad luck? Definitely not. It has to do with how he was programmed. “In my […]
Say Good-bye to Bullies
Don’t put up with bullying just because it’s been your habit since day one and is therefore insanely comfortable. That was my advice to Nicole who endures verbal abuse from her boss on a regular basis. She’s always belittling her in front of the other employees. For example, she’ll blast her for missing deadlines and […]
It’s Called Freedom
“Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.” –Napoleon Hill At an early age, we were programmed and shaped by our parents and other key people. It’s our job to disentangle ourselves from the limitations of all that indoctrination. My thoughts turn to […]
You Really Do Know What’s True
Proceeding wisely through life requires a sharply focused awareness of our emotions. Being blind to them handicaps our ability to take effective action in any given situation. Let’s say, as a small child, you hear a loud noise. Instinctively, you place your hands over your ears. Then you’re told, “It’s not too loud.” Let’s say […]
Moving Through Grief
It has been two years since her husband, Trent, died. But to Amy it feels like yesterday. “Why am I grieving?” she lamented. “I thought I was over it.” I answered her simply: “We’re never over love, Amy.” After his fatal car accident, she told herself she must be strong for the children. So she […]
Why Didn’t they Put Up a Fight?
Larry Nassar sexually assaulted dozens of young female gymnasts under the guise of medical treatment. I’ve read so many critical comments directed at these young women that I felt compelled to respond and offer another perspective. Why didn’t they object? Why didn’t they just push him away while shouting, “No!”? At least two very substantive reasons […]
Courage to Feel Deeply
In some households, tears are taboo. Jill is one of six children. An adult now, she recalls her father being a harsh disciplinarian “who frequently beat us.” When the beatings produced wails and tears, he shamed and belittled them, demanding that they stop. Having to endure horrid, abusive treatment was bad enough, but then they […]
The Universe Loves You
Even when you don’t. Plagued with guilt and self-loathing, many of us are solidly convinced that as human beings we are fundamentally unworthy and unlovable. It’s just not true. Our essence is pure. How is it possible to despise purity? Maybe what we consider unlovable is our tainted opinion of ourselves—something we grew to believe […]