Listen to Your Grumpy Self
“I was grumpy when I got up and then I took it out on my kids,” Lori said. “I was just lazy and didn’t want to get up.” Lori had a good reason for wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She had worked late the night before. She needed the rest. But something […]
Your Inner Judge Is a Liar
“Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.” Brené Brown Self-criticism is learned—we don’t come out of the womb with that tendency. I’m talking about the self-esteem-destroying self-talk that buzzes around in one’s head endlessly. Like a virus that invades the brain, it constantly judges and condemns its host. Infection takes […]
It’s a Ducking Habit
Tish shines when she’s with her friends and coworkers, but around her boss she loses that shine. “I go small the minute I step into her office!” she said. “I’m just like someone who’s been physically abused—I duck!” Tish’s boss and her parents have some things in common. Her parents didn’t invite or make it […]
Stay Out of the Mud!
Setting boundaries includes placing limits on what we’re willing to do for others. Sometimes, we make the same mistake a bazillion times before finally waking up. It’s exasperating! One of my clients knows this experience all too well. His mistake was believing he had to rescue other people—mainly women. If they weren’t happy, he felt guilty and responsible. It […]
The Wiser, True You
“The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not your mind—the thinker. The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated.” — Eckart Tolle, The Power of Now I was walking—no, sleepwalking—in the mall one day when I became aware that I was doing a whole lot of judging. […]
After Grief
One of the hardest parts about a loved one dying is the sense of disconnection. I can relate to that awful feeling—I’ve experienced it many times. A special person comes to mind. For nine full months, I grieved his death. It seemed like all color had left my world during that time. Joy was virtually […]
Don’t Grin and Bear It!
Out for a walk one day, I was struck by how natural it is for animals to protect themselves from harm. Their survival instinct doesn’t seem cluttered with emotional logjams such as second-guessing, guilt, or denial. At the first sign of danger, without the slightest hesitation, a bird will take flight. Likewise, rabbits hop away to safety. […]
Call it Parent Power!
Laura’s petrified that her teenage daughter may be headed down a dangerous path. While she and Kaitlyn sat across from each other in my office, Laura rattled off her string of concerns. Among her worries were slipping grades, Kaitlin’s recent choice of friends—some have been in trouble with the law—and a controlling boyfriend who habitually puts […]
Safe or Confining?
“Most people talk about fear of the unknown, but if there is anything to fear it is the known.” Chopra You know . . . there’s truth to that. Not long ago, I watched the movie Room. It’s about a mother and her son, Jack, who are confined to a shed they call “Room.” Jack’s mother […]
Be Bigger Than Fear
To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose one’s self. Soren Kierkegaard Sad to say, many of us choose playing it safe over living fully. Spencer Johnson, M.D., addresses this condition and offers a solution in a delightful little book, Who Moved My Cheese? The story’s setting takes place […]