You Always Hurt the One You Love
Walls go up around the heart when we’re treated harshly. Eventually, bitterness replaces the tender love that was once there. Claire was starting to feel that way toward her husband, Joe, when she sought my help. “He’s constantly critical and demeaning to me!” she said. “It has to change! I’m too miserable to have it […]
Keeping the Peace Backfires
“It has to change! I can’t take it anymore.” Liza was referring to her marriage. “If I don’t conform to how Stuart wants me to be, or if I don’t agree with how he sees things, he get’s furious,” she said. “And if he doesn’t get his way, he get’s stormy.” Liza was describing life […]
Screwed Up But Healthy
I just had to laugh when Beth—referring to her progress—said this in a recent session: “I’m still screwed up, but in a healthy way.” To say the least, I was puzzled by that comment, so I asked, “What do you mean?” “I’m the product of a dysfunctional household,” she said. “But I’m in a much healthier […]
Guilt is a Cruel Dictator
Beth feels guilty because she doesn’t want her mother to watch her 2-year-old son. She would prefer to use her mother-in-law, her husband Sam’s mom. Why? Because Beth doesn’t want her son to be exposed to the same belittling treatment she experienced as a child. Beth feels strongly about her position, but teeters at times. […]
Call It a Relationship Virus
I’ve written about Beth and Sam before (on 2/7/13 and 3/21/13). After divorcing Sam, Beth decided she didn’t really want to leave him after all. Within a few months they were back together. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said, “I’ve discovered that anger fades a lot faster than love.” Today, they’re still […]
Anchored By Fear
Chronic boredom is the sting of non-being, The pain of the unlived life, The roads not explored, The risks not taken, The persons not loved, The thoughts not thought, The feelings not savored. […]
True to Ourselves
“Why doesn’t he leave her! I’m tired of this! I’m tired of waiting … for what … more disappointment?!” That was Jill, Trent’s girlfriend, who’s at the end of her rope. Although he claims she’s #1, he has chosen to hang on to a relationship with Laura, a woman he no longer loves. What stops […]
Make YOU Happy
Jill and Trent have been in a relationship for a long time. They love each other very deeply and treasure their time spent together. The problem? Trent can’t leave his former girlfriend, Laura. He doesn’t love her, but he can’t bring himself to cause her pain. Trent is one of those people who easily—too easily—feels guilty and […]
Stuck in Anger
A client of mine—I’ll call her Anna—shared this tidbit by Garrison Keillor: “When you’re angry at people, you make them part of your life.” That’s so true! Prolonged anger usually has a focus, and that focus usually involves a particular person. I can’t imagine being angry at my printer for two weeks—20 minutes yes, but […]
Keep Your Mouth Shut! Really?
Numerous times in our lifetime—no, in a single day—we’re faced with a dilemma: Do I open my mouth or keep it zipped? Do I take the risk or play it safe? It’s not easy being verbally courageous. I fail at it more times than I succeed. But when I do succeed, it leaves me feeling […]