The Latest Wow: Don’t Feed the Parasites!
Not long ago, one of my clients, Rani, wowed me with this: “Some people don’t really deserve the benefit of the doubt.” Experience taught Rani that somber truth. For months, she overlooked and excused multiple incidents of being used, deceived and manipulated by her friend, Val. “It finally reached such ludicrous proportions, I just couldn’t […]
Free to Leave
“A grain of sand becomes a beach in a millisecond.” Marta—my client—was talking about her over-reactive, hot-tempered husband who makes mountains out of mole hills. Add suspicion, an appetite for power, and alcohol to the mix and you have a potentially dangerous man. Not long ago, he became just that. It all started when she […]
Dominated by Guilt
Guilt, just like anger, is often used as a tool to manipulate. Last week I offered one reason why we refrain from speaking up or confronting another person. It’s the fear of igniting a thunderstorm. Another reason is guilt. One of my teenage clients, Allie, put it perfectly: “I don’t know how to stand up […]
Recreate You … To Your Liking
This is the time of the year when we pause amidst our habituated routines and consider making life changes. When it comes to my clients, I typically ask two questions: “How do you want your life to look?” and “How are you hindering that … getting in your own way?” It’s impossible to act on […]
Latest Wow: Face the Truth About Yourself
“The bad thing about not liking myself is not being able to get away from myself. I can’t just go into the next room.” Anna was being her usual witty self when she made that comment in my office but, sadly, she meant it. Also sad is the fact that a multitude of people feel […]
Our Favorite Illusion
Some dreamy-eyed part of us clings to the illusion that through a sheer act of will we can change another human being. Such misguided thinking is as unrealistic as believing we can get a walnut tree to start producing apples. For six years Sonya has asked her husband—who works in the remodeling industry—to fix the […]
It Takes Courage to Feel
Some people think that being tough has to do with muscle strength and detached emotions, but it’s the opposite. It takes courage to feel. Brenna, a client in her 20’s, mistakes strength with being stoic—devoid of emotion like one of Clint Eastwood’s characters. Her mom matches those qualities, and Brenna feels weak in comparison. “I […]
The Latest Wow: “Get over it!” Really?
According to the late theologian Paul Tillich, “The first duty of love is to listen.” I rank listening right up there at the top of requirements for a well-running relationship. This includes love partnerships, parent-child relationships, friendships … you name it. Listening is a lot bigger than the mere act of hearing with our ears. […]
Perfection Is Highly Overrated!
Relinquish the need to be perfect. Effort is perfection. Imagine a roomful of babies all trying to perfect the skill of walking. What we witness is a lot of bumping into things and falling down. We don’t expect babies to get it right immediately—we don’t scold them for failing in their attempts. No. Instead, we’re […]
The Secret to a Good Life
A comedian uttered this piece of profound wisdom: “Everyone says communication is the secret to a good relationship. It’s not true. The secret to a good relationship is low expectations.“ I take this a step further: the secret to a good life is low expectations. Let’s face it, expectations run rampant in our brains—many times […]