“Your mother is good for you,” I said. “Her disapproval is forcing you to become immune to disapproving attitudes. Unbeknownst to her, she’s stretching you to become self-accepting and to believe in yourself.”
Michele followed the beat of her own drum, and her family shunned her for it—especially her mother.
Parental disapproval, at any age, can send our self-esteem to the basement! It makes us question our worth, our competence and even our age.
“I notice when you talk about your mother, you go small,” I observed.
Nodding, she replied, “Yes, when it comes to her, especially, I doubt myself.”
She explained that her mother’s rejecting and disapproving manner was something she’s always had to contend with.
“How are her failings as a parent challenging you to grow stronger?” I asked.
”Because you still view her through a child’s eyes—looming larger than life—you’re susceptible to her flawedness,” I said.
We need to be identifying with the more competent, more expansive and grown-up part of ourselves.
I invite your comments.
It’s a big shift in your thinking to see your parent as a flawed individual instead of THE authority on all things YOU. To finally abandon your parent’s vision of you and perhaps even themselves for something grounded in reality is a tough thing to do for some reason. It gets cemented into your own subconsious definition of who you are and it takes immense strength and persistence to see that and then jackhammer it out of your head. After that I think it’s another journey to move from seeing their fallibility to forgiving their fallibility. Maybe that gets easier when you’re done with the jackhammering. Then you get to try to not screw up your own kids . . . 😛 Now for some chocolate.
Love it, Patti, and right on!
When we live our own dream, there is peace. When we live the dream of another, there is stress. Much better to live the life that is ours.
I agree—well said!
Salee
it’s funny how the fears others hold about who we are can become real and we start to own them. We start to believe we really are that person. And as we age and try to change to accommodate others thinking of us, we realize that we are not being true to ourselves. And then one day an awakening comes over you and you realize these are not your fears but the fears others really have of themselves. You have merely got in the crossfire. One day you will have a conversation with your mother and realize it was never about you but more so the fears she actually carried about herself. That day will be a beautiful awakening for you. 🙂
That’s a Wow, Karen. Thanks for sharing! Salee