Advice from the Animal Kingdom
Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, pinpoints how perfectionism impacts us negatively: “Not being perfect, we reject ourselves,” he writes. It’s true. Many people condemn themselves for failing to live up to the often inflated, sometimes impossible expectations they set for themselves. This can include failing to get a perfect performance review, a […]
Don’t Be Nice All the Time
Over and over again, while growing up, Kari heard: “It’s better to give and be nice than it is to receive.” Valuing the other person more than yourself was expected. So, today, she tends to be nice to everyone but herself. No surprise. When people mistreat or take advantage of her, she gives them a […]
Love Me Tender
Some people believe they’re detestable. In fact, the thought of being worthy of love and accepted–even cherished!–for who they are at the root level seems unfathomable to them. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be content with ourselves. So where do low self-opinions come from? Children internalize or see themselves as […]
Planting the Seeds
In passing, I overheard a heart-sinking exchange between a father and son. “Hey, Dad, what’s Grandpa’s phone number?” His father frowned. “What’s the matter with you? You know the number—you call it all the time! Are you a retard?” If it pained me to bear witness to such harshness, I can only imagine its impact […]
Acknowledge Your Magnificence
What if a ray of sunlight–feeling guilty for its brightness–purposely dimmed itself? Who loses out? We all do! Light-dimming is fairly common. Concealing our flaws is understandable, but it’s a bit tragic when we conceal our finer qualities. And if that wasn’t bad enough, we may hide those better attributes even from ourselves, banishing them […]
It’s Called Freedom
“Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.” –Napoleon Hill At an early age, we were programmed and shaped by our parents and other key people. It’s our job to disentangle ourselves from the limitations of all that indoctrination. My thoughts turn to […]
Over It
Holly told me she wasn’t suicidal. I disagreed. “I guess you’re right,” she said after some thought. “I’ve been killing myself off for years.” Holly was referring to staying with a man who frequently deflates her spirit—her husband, Lance. She related the events of an evening they had some friends over. When it was time […]
Your Inner Judge Is a Liar
“Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.” Brené Brown Self-criticism is learned—we don’t come out of the womb with that tendency. I’m talking about the self-esteem-destroying self-talk that buzzes around in one’s head endlessly. Like a virus that invades the brain, it constantly judges and condemns its host. Infection takes […]
Call it Parent Power!
Laura’s petrified that her teenage daughter may be headed down a dangerous path. While she and Kaitlyn sat across from each other in my office, Laura rattled off her string of concerns. Among her worries were slipping grades, Kaitlin’s recent choice of friends—some have been in trouble with the law—and a controlling boyfriend who habitually puts […]
Leaving Your Cage
A cage is anything that confines, reduces, inhibits or limits us. This includes our distorted ideas about ourselves. In Meet Your True Self, my previous post, Brad woke up to the fact that his inner roommate, also known as an inner critic, was a liar. In that mere flash of an instant, Brad freed himself from a […]