Silence Your Inner Bully
Negative self-talk arises from a ruthless internal bully. “Everything I touch fails. I suck at everything!” Those words were uttered by 35-year-old Brady who can’t seem to shake a pattern of failed jobs and relationships. Is it a matter of bad luck? Definitely not. It has to do with how he was programmed. “In my […]
Acknowledge Your Magnificence
What if a ray of sunlight–feeling guilty for its brightness–purposely dimmed itself? Who loses out? We all do! Light-dimming is fairly common. Concealing our flaws is understandable, but it’s a bit tragic when we conceal our finer qualities. And if that wasn’t bad enough, we may hide those better attributes even from ourselves, banishing them […]
Say Good-bye to Bullies
Don’t put up with bullying just because it’s been your habit since day one and is therefore insanely comfortable. That was my advice to Nicole who endures verbal abuse from her boss on a regular basis. She’s always belittling her in front of the other employees. For example, she’ll blast her for missing deadlines and […]
Unexpected Gift
“I don’t take responsibility for what’s going on in your head.” That’s what Gordon wishes he had said when his girlfriend completely misinterpreted him . . . again. It all started when she called to tell him how bored and miserable she was at work. According to the work schedule, she had the day off, […]
It’s Called Freedom
“Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.” –Napoleon Hill At an early age, we were programmed and shaped by our parents and other key people. It’s our job to disentangle ourselves from the limitations of all that indoctrination. My thoughts turn to […]
Don’t Take the Bait
When Jim returned home from his Saturday fishing trip, his wife, Marlene, was withdrawn—cold as ice. Alas, the all too familiar silent treatment had set in. He asked Marlene if there was a problem. With her head turned away, she murmured a mere, “No.” Remaining calm and unaffected, he said, “Well, you’re not acting as […]
You Really Do Know What’s True
Proceeding wisely through life requires a sharply focused awareness of our emotions. Being blind to them handicaps our ability to take effective action in any given situation. Let’s say, as a small child, you hear a loud noise. Instinctively, you place your hands over your ears. Then you’re told, “It’s not too loud.” Let’s say […]
Courage to Feel Deeply
In some households, tears are taboo. Jill is one of six children. An adult now, she recalls her father being a harsh disciplinarian “who frequently beat us.” When the beatings produced wails and tears, he shamed and belittled them, demanding that they stop. Having to endure horrid, abusive treatment was bad enough, but then they […]
The Seduction of Security
Oh, the soul-numbing effect of living within the confines of the familiar! This was the theme that 41-year-old Angie and I discussed in our counseling session. She came to me wanting help with her depression. “I just can’t seem to shake this no matter what I tell myself,” she said with a sigh. Angie described her […]
The Universe Loves You
Even when you don’t. Plagued with guilt and self-loathing, many of us are solidly convinced that as human beings we are fundamentally unworthy and unlovable. It’s just not true. Our essence is pure. How is it possible to despise purity? Maybe what we consider unlovable is our tainted opinion of ourselves—something we grew to believe […]