Seek Sunlight
“I felt like a cage was around me when I was with John. I wasn’t me. I was afraid to be me. I was always nervous about doing the wrong thing and setting him off.” Those words were spoken by my client, Marta, who finally left her husband because he’s an alcoholic—he got violent. Click […]
Avoid the Muck and Guck
I found a perfect piece of advice for those of us who try to fix someone else’s distorted thinking. It’s an old Russian proverb that says: “Don’t drive a car straight down a crooked road.” Easier said than done, especially if we’re the target of someone’s erroneous accusations. At those times, it’s extremely difficult […]
Don’t Settle for a Beige Life
When we follow our dreams, we take up residence in a much larger part of ourselves . . . our soul. “Be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” – Rumi That line could apply to many circumstances. It can apply to a person, an activity, a career or a dream […]
Shed Those Unwanted Pounds . . . of Guilt
I propose we start a club called Guilt-Shedders. Not long ago, I heard this joke on the radio: If you feel bad about what you did, that’s guilt. If you feel bad about who you are, that’s shame. If you feel shame because you don’t feel guilty, that’s Catholic. The truth is, Catholics don’t have […]
Life’s the Teacher
“Truth cannot be borrowed. It can only be experienced.” Thich Nhat Hanh One of the hardest things to endure is watching a loved one suffer and being unable to teach them the life lessons we’ve learned. We’ve all been there, and we all end up pulling our hair out in utter frustration when our best […]
Latest Wow: Ripe for Manipulation
“I don’t like to confront, so I’m easy to manipulate.” That “WOW” came from a mid-fortyish male client. He didn’t realize it, but he nailed a common human problem. Many of us don’t like to confront. Why are we so squeamish about confronting someone … even when it’s appropriate? There’s a wide variety of reasons. […]
Recreate You … To Your Liking
This is the time of the year when we pause amidst our habituated routines and consider making life changes. When it comes to my clients, I typically ask two questions: “How do you want your life to look?” and “How are you hindering that … getting in your own way?” It’s impossible to act on […]
Latest Wow: Face the Truth About Yourself
“The bad thing about not liking myself is not being able to get away from myself. I can’t just go into the next room.” Anna was being her usual witty self when she made that comment in my office but, sadly, she meant it. Also sad is the fact that a multitude of people feel […]
Our Favorite Illusion
Some dreamy-eyed part of us clings to the illusion that through a sheer act of will we can change another human being. Such misguided thinking is as unrealistic as believing we can get a walnut tree to start producing apples. For six years Sonya has asked her husband—who works in the remodeling industry—to fix the […]
Trained By a Dog
Let’s face it, if we’re vague about what we want, we won’t get it. Like Karen, a former client, we’ll only cultivate inner frustration. “Never—ever!—did I anticipate the day I’d be jealous of a dog,” she said, “but I am . . . If the dog wants to play, Sam drops everything and plays with […]