Trained By a Dog
Let’s face it, if we’re vague about what we want, we won’t get it. Like Karen, a former client, we’ll only cultivate inner frustration. “Never—ever!—did I anticipate the day I’d be jealous of a dog,” she said, “but I am . . . If the dog wants to play, Sam drops everything and plays with […]
The Latest Wow: “Get over it!” Really?
According to the late theologian Paul Tillich, “The first duty of love is to listen.” I rank listening right up there at the top of requirements for a well-running relationship. This includes love partnerships, parent-child relationships, friendships … you name it. Listening is a lot bigger than the mere act of hearing with our ears. […]
The Secret to a Good Life
A comedian uttered this piece of profound wisdom: “Everyone says communication is the secret to a good relationship. It’s not true. The secret to a good relationship is low expectations.“ I take this a step further: the secret to a good life is low expectations. Let’s face it, expectations run rampant in our brains—many times […]
You Always Hurt the One You Love
Walls go up around the heart when we’re treated harshly. Eventually, bitterness replaces the tender love that was once there. Claire was starting to feel that way toward her husband, Joe, when she sought my help. “He’s constantly critical and demeaning to me!” she said. “It has to change! I’m too miserable to have it […]
Keeping the Peace Backfires
“It has to change! I can’t take it anymore.” Liza was referring to her marriage. “If I don’t conform to how Stuart wants me to be, or if I don’t agree with how he sees things, he get’s furious,” she said. “And if he doesn’t get his way, he get’s stormy.” Liza was describing life […]
The Latest Wow: Man Objects to Being Eye Candy
Here’s one man’s response to my post “The Latest Wow: He Says ‘No’ to Sex” “I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t like being a magnet for women. My physical appearance isn’t who I am … it’s not how I know myself. Before a relationship even gets off the ground I want to […]
Call It a Relationship Virus
I’ve written about Beth and Sam before (on 2/7/13 and 3/21/13). After divorcing Sam, Beth decided she didn’t really want to leave him after all. Within a few months they were back together. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said, “I’ve discovered that anger fades a lot faster than love.” Today, they’re still […]
The Cookie War
It’s not about the power another person wields or takes; it’s about the power we surrender. That is what I conveyed to Amy in our counseling session. She needed an answer for dealing with her demeaning husband, and it didn’t entail placating him or being little around him. It entailed boldly standing up for herself. Read […]
It all took place in a sunny cafe . . .
My partner, Don, and I had just sat down to enjoy lunch when a stranger approached our table. I thought he must be a manager and was about to ask how we felt about the food. Instead, with a concerned tone he asked me, “Are you feeling better?” That was so out of the blue! […]
His Heart Saved the Day
The intellect understands through logic, whereas the heart understands through empathy. Paralyzed with fear, Kathleen stopped suddenly in her tracks. The trail she was hiking with her husband, Zach, had come to an unexpected fork. They were assured, back at the visitors center, that all trails would be clearly marked. For the most part, that […]