Moms are Perfectly Imperfect!
Moms are easy targets for nearly all the psychological ailments that afflict their children … and our world for that matter. Consider for a moment, the troublesome members of our species who populate our planet. When it comes to assigning blame, doesn’t the finger get pointed at maternal rearing? So under the weight of such […]
Did You Spit on Somebody’s Pet Turtle?
If a third grader got in your face, accusing you of spitting on his pet turtle, you would be thinking: Well now, that’s pure ridiculousness. I’ve never been near his pet turtle and, for that matter, I didn’t even know he had one. Being perceived wrongly is an opportunity to practice believing in yourself. So […]
Advice from the Animal Kingdom
Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, pinpoints how perfectionism impacts us negatively: “Not being perfect, we reject ourselves,” he writes. It’s true. Many people condemn themselves for failing to live up to the often inflated, sometimes impossible expectations they set for themselves. This can include failing to get a perfect performance review, a […]
Outsmart Your Guilt
Things go wrong when guilt’s the driving force behind our actions. That’s because guilt doesn’t do a good job of steering us in the right direction. It lacks intelligence. Dru, 17, is a prime example. She didn’t want to hurt her boyfriend’s feelings, and as a result became pregnant. In our counseling session with tears […]
Don’t Be Nice All the Time
Over and over again, while growing up, Kari heard: “It’s better to give and be nice than it is to receive.” Valuing the other person more than yourself was expected. So, today, she tends to be nice to everyone but herself. No surprise. When people mistreat or take advantage of her, she gives them a […]
Love Me Tender
Some people believe they’re detestable. In fact, the thought of being worthy of love and accepted–even cherished!–for who they are at the root level seems unfathomable to them. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be content with ourselves. So where do low self-opinions come from? Children internalize or see themselves as […]
Planting the Seeds
In passing, I overheard a heart-sinking exchange between a father and son. “Hey, Dad, what’s Grandpa’s phone number?” His father frowned. “What’s the matter with you? You know the number—you call it all the time! Are you a retard?” If it pained me to bear witness to such harshness, I can only imagine its impact […]
Make Your Soul Happy
“Depression is a distant early warning system that something in you is being pressed down, beat on, kept in prison, dishonored.” ~Sam Keen Sandra is depressed and it’s because she’s been dishonoring herself for a long time. Although she despises her job, she forces herself to tolerate it. Not only is it unrewarding, the pressure […]
Let’s Do Gifts!
“The best things in life aren’t things.” This little piece of wisdom came straight from a bumper sticker. A few years ago, as the holiday season was approaching, my thoughts turned to gifts. I decided to ask several people: “How would you define a gift?” Here’s a sampling of the responses I collected: “To me, […]
Acknowledge Your Magnificence
What if a ray of sunlight–feeling guilty for its brightness–purposely dimmed itself? Who loses out? We all do! Light-dimming is fairly common. Concealing our flaws is understandable, but it’s a bit tragic when we conceal our finer qualities. And if that wasn’t bad enough, we may hide those better attributes even from ourselves, banishing them […]