“If you really love me, you’ll be true to yourself!”
Say that to your partner and watch their jaw drop to the floor. Why? Because we usually get the opposite message: “If you really love me, you’ll do what I want. You’ll do back flips—on the ceiling!—to please me.”
Has anyone ever tried to guilt you with a statement like that one? What did it evoke in you? A warm fuzzy feeling? Doubtful.
Have you ever said that to anybody else? Did it feel like an act of love to you? Probably not. That’s because it hails from feeling deserving and entitled.
Click here to read about Dane and Paula … two people who were unhappy in their relationships for this very reason.
Shoulds and love do not belong in the same universe.
Thich Nhat Hanh sums it up perfectly: “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
Here’s one man’s response to my post “The Latest Wow: He Says ‘No’ to Sex”
“I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t like being a magnet for women. My physical appearance isn’t who I am … it’s not how I know myself. Before a relationship even gets off the ground I want to make it perfectly clear that my physical appearance means little to me, and if it means something to you, it separates us. If you’re not drawn to something deeper about me, I’m not interested.”
How many women have thought or said those very words? How many complain about being sexual objects? How many long for a connection that runs deeper than the surface? How many want to be valued for who they are? Zillions.
Meg’s a good example. Click here to read her story.
Obviously, these concerns cross gender lines. Men, as well as women, resent being mere eye candy . . . we all want to be valued for who we are inside.
What are your thoughts?