Tag Archives: maturity

Spoiled for Life

kid in jail straightened

Jail time is a common occurrence for John. Why is that? He has a nasty habit of picking fights and throwing fits when he doesn’t get his way. Even in jail, if people don’t cater to John’s demands, he resorts to threatening and hostile behavior.

John’s behavior hasn’t changed much since he was a small child. That’s because his blustery, bullying temper tantrums weren’t nipped in the bud before he became an adult. Instead, such displays were rewarded—he got his way. Unsurprisingly, he still expects the world to bend to his every whim.

 Read more…

There are many stories like John’s—please share yours. Or if you have questions or comments, feel free.

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Filed under General Interest, Parenting

Life’s Hidden Agenda

zen proverb cropped

The soul wants growth and that doesn’t translate into a smooth ride.

I think life is akin to climbing into a canoe and paddling down a stream that’s rife with challenges and uncertainties. Yes, it’s risky and stress-provoking—to say the least. But if we hang in there, we get really good at navigating obstacles. Call it “personal evolution.”

Frederick Douglass, the slave who became a highly admired writer, said: “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

One of the first obstacles we encounter in life entails our physical body—it’s limitations. As babies, we stretch to reach a brightly colored toy but our body won’t budge. We haven’t mastered crawling yet.  And when we do, we move on to tackle walking.

But what if someone rescued us from that particular struggle and just carried us everywhere? Would that person be doing us a favor? Not at all. Our muscles would remain soft and our potentials would come to an abrupt halt. Not only that, life would become rather beige.

It’s unlikely that someone would actually rescue us in such an extreme way, but rescuing in the form of overindulgence happens everyday. Click here to read a column I wrote on the subject and how it impacts us no matter what age we are.

Here’s an excerpt:

Overindulgence stifles personal courage. Consequently, adults who were overindulged as children tend to avoid taking personal risks. Even if their current life circumstances are miserable, they’re too mortified and paralyzed by fearfulness, and they feel too incapable of trying out different possibilities or options.

So despite our irritations with life’s bothersome problems, they benefit us. I like comparing it to garbage and manure. Both are nasty but they do fertilize our gardens and make things grow.

We need to be asking ourselves: Who are the people who possess wisdom, courage, stamina, flexibility and an understanding heart? We all know the answer. It’s those who have encountered and tackled countless obstacles. They’ve suffered losses and disappointments, endured mistreatment, experienced frustration, abandonment and betrayal.

Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth, expressed it well: “The challenges of our life situations draw out that which is deeper in us.”

So let’s grab our paddles and go out a bit deeper, shall we? 🙂

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Filed under Contemplations, General Interest, Get Free, Parenting

The Latest Wow: Rebellion’s Treasure

treasure chest

Not long ago, a client—in her 40s—wowed me with this:

“Rebellion, at any age, is a means of repositioning ourselves with our parents.”

I can only agree. I’ve come to see that the good side of rebellion is that it allows us to break into new horizons of empowerment—to transcend existing limits. Another client, Sonya, further substantiated that point. She was telling me how much she appreciates the grief she once caused her parents especially now that she has teenagers of her own. Hair pulling time! So she did the only honorable thing and apologized to her mother :-).

I was both amazed and touched by what her mother had to say:  “Don’t give it a second thought. It just meant you were readying yourself for leaving the nest.”

Rebellion isn’t really a war waged against our parents. It’s a war waged against our childlike attachment to them—our littleness in their presence.

Acts of rebellion are important dramas, essential for clearing the way for a more mature you—little you giving way to bigger you.

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Filed under Contemplations, General Interest, Parenting, The Latest Wow!

The Latest Wow: More Beautiful Than Leaves

autumn2

A friend of mine, Patti, who helps me with my tech challenges, wowed me with something that caused me—without any reservation—to demand that she write it up for my blog. She did just that and here it is:

I was gazing out my kitchen window the other day, captivated by the beauty of the changing leaves in my backyard. For some reason, I was struck by this question: Why do we see the changes in these leaves as they near their demise, and say, “Beautiful! Gorgeous! Breathtaking!” yet when humans change as they age and approach their “end” on this earth, those changes are perceived as ‘ugly’? So ugly, in fact, that we go to extreme measures to erase them, bleach them, surgically remove them, inject poison in them, etc. Why can’t we see those changes as just as “beautiful” as those changes in the leaves? In fact, I propose that we see them as even more beautiful, because aren’t we more beautiful than leaves? Aren’t we more precious than leaves?

After mulling over Patti’s insight, I had a thought. One of the gifts of the aging process is a lesson about beauty. Our discernment of beauty changes over the years from what our eyes see to what our heart sees.  On second thought, I think babies have this mastered. They don’t even notice age. Maybe, as we grow older we go back to viewing people through the eyes of a baby—purely.

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Filed under General Interest, The Latest Wow!

Spoiled for Life

kid in jail straightened

Jail time is a common occurrence for John. Why is that? He has a nasty habit of picking fights and throwing fits when he doesn’t get his way. Even in jail, if people don’t cater to John’s demands, he resorts to threatening and hostile behavior.

John’s behavior hasn’t changed much since he was a small child. That’s because his blustery, bullying temper tantrums weren’t nipped in the bud before he became an adult. Instead, such displays were rewarded—he got his way. Unsurprisingly, he still expects the world to bend to his every whim.

 Read more…

There are many stories like John’s—please share yours. Or if you have questions or comments, feel free.

2 Comments

Filed under General Interest, Parenting

The Latest Wow: Military Officer Endorses Tears

Tear

I want to share with you a touching email I received from a Naval Officer stationed in Viriginia Beach.  He wrote to me after reading Tears Are As Natural As Breathing”—the column I refer to in the previous post, “Dare to Cry.” Here it is:

“Salee, I just wanted you to know that shortly after reading your column, I stood in front of a class of junior officers and instructed them to pay close attention because I had something very important to tell them. I then proceeded to tell them that it’s okay to cry. You could hear a pin drop.”

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Filed under General Interest, The Latest Wow!

Dare to Cry

“Tears are a sign of a soul feeling awake.”

— Michael Meade

I love that quote because it slams the notion that something is wrong with shedding tears. In truth, something is probably wrong if we don’t.

Like so many of us, I learned at an early age that tears aren’t acceptable, and that they stand for weakness. Better to put up a good front.

I finally grew up . . . from that sort of thinking. What I came to realize is spelled out in my column, Tears are as Natural as Breathing. There I write about two clients, “Jill” and “Ken,” who were conditioned as I was to fight their tears. Here’s an excerpt:

And far from indicating weakness, tears can be a sign of maturity and strength.  Think about it:  It takes toughness and courage to feel deeply, to hurt deeply, to grieve deeply. Only the courageous among us dare to do that. Tears are for the very gutsy, not the fainthearted.

Tell me your thoughts . . . .

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Filed under General Interest, Get Free