Not Guilty!
Kara would like to skip getting together with her family over the holidays. But guilt stands in her way. “I hate to say it but I’d be a whole lot happier spending time with Marc’s family,” she said. Marc is Kara’s husband. “They’re just more pleasant to be around.” In contrast, Kara’s family gatherings are unbearably […]
Nope … the Ring Won’t Change Him
Steer clear of people who fail to take an honest look at themselves. Do you really want to be with a person who can’t be reasoned with, who doesn’t take an honest look in the mirror, and who flies into a rage at the mere drop of a hat? That was the question I asked […]
Fake Love
“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily—we do not need to learn it.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke “If she leaves me, I’ll die—I’ll have nothing to live for. She’s everything to me—she’s my life!” Jeremy, 27, is panicked over the possibility of losing his […]
Poke the Tiger
“I pray every night that God will take my life.” Vince, 56, apparently would rather die than leave a life-sucking relationship. He’s been with his wife, Gail, for eight years. And for the bulk of that time he’s been unhappy, merely enduring his existence instead of living. In our counseling session, he depicted Gail as […]
Over It
Holly told me she wasn’t suicidal. I disagreed. “I guess you’re right,” she said after some thought. “I’ve been killing myself off for years.” Holly was referring to staying with a man who frequently deflates her spirit—her husband, Lance. She related the events of an evening they had some friends over. When it was time […]
You’re not Crazy!
Ever been around someone who makes you question your sanity because there’s no working things out? Every attempt to reason with them fails miserably . . . nothing works. Presenting facts doesn’t work. Even staying composed doesn’t work. Those hair-pulling moments can reduce a person to a pitiful pile of frustration and self-doubt in a […]
The Unhappy Chameleon
Doug wowed me with this in one of our sessions: “I always wanted to blend in . . . like a chameleon.” Then looking away reflectively, he added, “You know, it takes a hell of a lot of energy to change my colors.” He’s right. So why do we do it? It’s all about making sure we’re […]
Listen to Your Grumpy Self
“I was grumpy when I got up and then I took it out on my kids,” Lori said. “I was just lazy and didn’t want to get up.” Lori had a good reason for wanting to stay in bed a little bit longer. She had worked late the night before. She needed the rest. But something […]
Stay Out of the Mud!
Setting boundaries includes placing limits on what we’re willing to do for others. Sometimes, we make the same mistake a bazillion times before finally waking up. It’s exasperating! One of my clients knows this experience all too well. His mistake was believing he had to rescue other people—mainly women. If they weren’t happy, he felt guilty and responsible. It […]
The Golden Rule in Reverse
“Don’t let other people treat you the way you wouldn’t treat them.” This is what I recently said to Stanley, who never objects to disrespectful treatment from key people in his life. He swallows it … and suffers for it. Kind-hearted by nature, he’s respectful in all his dealings with others. He wouldn’t, COULDN’T, hurt […]