Tag Archives: Don Ruiz

It’s Called Freedom

 

“Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.”

–Napoleon Hill

At an early age, we were programmed and shaped by our parents and other key people. It’s our job to disentangle ourselves from the limitations of all that indoctrination.

My thoughts turn to 33-year-old Celeste whose life seems colorless. She grieves daily over the loss of what ignites her spirit: dancing. As far back as she can remember, she loved to dance. It made her happy.

But today, as an adult, she’s far from happy. Appearing defeated, she gazed at the floor in my office while expressing the sadness that engulfed her: “I always wanted to be a dancer, but I knew my mother thought I could never make it.”

Unfortunately, her mother’s opinion carried more weight than her soul’s magnetic pull.

In his book The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz details the power of opinions. “Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system,” he writes.

At some point, Celeste started to “agree” with her mother regarding her capabilities. She internalized her mother’s beliefs—adopting them for her own.

No wonder Celeste is depressed. That’s what happens when we abandon our soul’s longings.

Another commonly used term for “agreement” is “script.” Like agreements, we tether ourselves to our scripts—adopting and acting on them without questioning whether or not they’re based on truth.

Here are a few common scripts:

  • It’s weak to cry or show feelings
  • I should always please others
  • I’m supposed to be perfect
  • It’s wrong to ask for what I want
  • I shouldn’t complain or have needs
  • I should always put on a happy face
  • I’m unlikable

These scripts and others are often sources of ongoing torment and a stifled existence.

One of life’s challenges entails breaking free of the scripts that define and limit us—scripts we have accepted as fact. We need to get comfortable with being our own authority—forming our own opinion about what’s fact and what isn’t.  We’ve bought into these scripts since we were kids.  Now that we’re older, we can unbuy them!

Call it freedom . . . freedom from programming. 🙂

 

 

Names are changed to honor client confidentiality

(c) Salee Reese 2018

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Filed under General Interest, Get Free

Call It a Relationship Virus

Bacteria 1 under microscope

I’ve written about Beth and Sam before (on 2/7/13 and 3/21/13). After divorcing Sam, Beth decided she didn’t really want to leave him after all. Within a few months they were back together. When I asked her what changed her mind, she said, “I’ve discovered that anger fades a lot faster than love.”

Today, they’re still doing well. “It’s because we talk things through,” Sam said. They don’t let things fester or go unsaid. They use a technique I taught them called “Checking-In.” In a calm conversational tone—the kind that doesn’t invite defensiveness—one partner asks: “What are you thinking right now?”

“We use it when we want to know if everything’s okay,” Amy said. She readily admits that she needs this more than Sam. “I’m guilty of making assumptions,” she said, “and then I react poorly.”

A book that keeps her on track—one she swears by—is called The Four Agreements by Don Ruiz. In a delightful, simple and oftentimes humorous way, he illuminates how we sabotage our relationships and inner peace. Making assumptions is one of the pot holes.

As I pointed out in my post, “It All Took Place in a Sunny Cafe,”  studies show that 90% of the assumptions we make are untrue.

In terms of well running relationships, instead of making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, we need to stay open-minded and seek clarification—get the other person’s story.

Names are changed to honor client confidentiality.

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Filed under Client of the Week, Couples, General Interest