Free to Leave
“A grain of sand becomes a beach in a millisecond.” Marta—my client—was talking about her over-reactive, hot-tempered husband who makes mountains out of mole hills. Add suspicion, an appetite for power, and alcohol to the mix and you have a potentially dangerous man. Not long ago, he became just that. It all started when she […]
Dominated by Guilt
Guilt, just like anger, is often used as a tool to manipulate. Last week I offered one reason why we refrain from speaking up or confronting another person. It’s the fear of igniting a thunderstorm. Another reason is guilt. One of my teenage clients, Allie, put it perfectly: “I don’t know how to stand up […]
Latest Wow: Ripe for Manipulation
“I don’t like to confront, so I’m easy to manipulate.” That “WOW” came from a mid-fortyish male client. He didn’t realize it, but he nailed a common human problem. Many of us don’t like to confront. Why are we so squeamish about confronting someone … even when it’s appropriate? There’s a wide variety of reasons. […]
Our Favorite Illusion
Some dreamy-eyed part of us clings to the illusion that through a sheer act of will we can change another human being. Such misguided thinking is as unrealistic as believing we can get a walnut tree to start producing apples. For six years Sonya has asked her husband—who works in the remodeling industry—to fix the […]
It Takes Courage to Feel
Some people think that being tough has to do with muscle strength and detached emotions, but it’s the opposite. It takes courage to feel. Brenna, a client in her 20’s, mistakes strength with being stoic—devoid of emotion like one of Clint Eastwood’s characters. Her mom matches those qualities, and Brenna feels weak in comparison. “I […]
The Latest Wow: Let Go and Be Free
“Any time we try to control something, it controls us. That’s because we’re basing our happiness and peace of mind on being able to control it, on something external that can’t be controlled.” —Rod Pasko My son, Rod, came up with that one a few years ago. I usually reserve ‘The Latest Wow’ for comments […]
Keeping the Peace Backfires
“It has to change! I can’t take it anymore.” Liza was referring to her marriage. “If I don’t conform to how Stuart wants me to be, or if I don’t agree with how he sees things, he get’s furious,” she said. “And if he doesn’t get his way, he get’s stormy.” Liza was describing life […]
Flying Sunglasses
Thomas Moore, the presenter for Psychotherapy, Spirituality and the Soul, a five-day seminar I attended recently, had this to say: “In an ordinary situation, larger things may be occurring.” He was referring to those mysterious happenings that lack any rational explanation. At those times, the intellect is left in a state of confusion. Moore says […]
The Latest Wow: Man Objects to Being Eye Candy
Here’s one man’s response to my post “The Latest Wow: He Says ‘No’ to Sex” “I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t like being a magnet for women. My physical appearance isn’t who I am … it’s not how I know myself. Before a relationship even gets off the ground I want to […]